SEX. Today’s topic. You’ve asked, you’ve waited, and here it is…my very first post on SEX.
Sometimes it takes being taken to the edge to rediscover or be reminded about the important things. Extreme physical exertion, mental exhaustion and emotional drainage can be the catalyst to stepping back and taking stock of those things we all think about but don’t really consider. So, this is a list of rules to live by that became evident to me during and after the Death Race regarding life and sex…but mostly sex. Enjoy. Apply.
Here goes…in no particular order…
1. Pace Yourself: The Death Race was like an ultra marathon on steroids. No need to haul ass out of the box. Unless you are doing a quick and dirty in the office at lunch you don’t need to rush. Take some time. Think of it more as a 10K rather than a sprint. And, if you are going for marathon or ultra lengths, definitely pace yourself. Take breaks. Stop and enjoy the scenery in front of you…or behind you, whatever the case may be.
2. Size Doesn’t Matter: Some of you ladies might beg to differ and, yes, I suppose there can be such a thing as “too small.” However, whatever size you happen to be, make the most of ALL your strengths and skills. Lots of ripped, big-muscle guys dropped out of the Death Race. Quite a number of smaller men and women finished. Endurance and skill win over size. Be scrappy with what you’ve got. Use your brain (seriously…smart is sexy), use your hands, use your mouth (talking is cool but think outside the box, folks).
3. Don’t Be So Goal-Oriented: The journey is as important as “crossing the finish line.” Know what I mean? When you are close to the finish you’ll know to kick it into overdrive.
4. Take alternative paths: This can pay dividends. It might also lead you to a dead end but at least you gave it a whirl. Try shit out. Improvise. Explore. You may not know you like it unless you try it.
5. Bring the Necessary Equipment: You wouldn’t show up to a gunfight without the holster for your gun. Get my drift? Make sure you have extra batteries. It would suck to run out of juice at a climactic moment. And clean your gear after usage.
6. Hydrate, Fuel Up, Lube Up: And I don’t just mean getting your liquids from a glass or your proteins from a Clif Bar. There’s nothing worse than grinding the pistons in a dry engine. Many dropped from the Death Race due to severe blisters and chaffed thighs. Ladies, don’t get me wrong,…friction is good. But too much friction hurts..both of us. A little grease in the gears can turn a dull party into a fiesta!
7. Have FUN: Why the fuck else would you be doing this?!?! If you are not having fun, get out. Come back another day. I don’t think this needs more explanation.
8. Laugh: This goes hand in hand with Rule #7. Sex is funny. And awkward. And absurd (i.e. Jack Hammer, Twisted Doggy, Pie In The Sky, Pile Driver, Under the Cuckoo’s Nest, Rug Bunny). Laugh. Don’t get all serious with your “O” face.
9. Be Kind and Courteous: Straight out of the Boy Scout handbook. I was reminded on the course that a small word of encouragement, some shared food, or a pat on the back go a long way. So…be nice. Even a one-night stand can have manners.
10. It Will Be Messy: (I don’t mean emotionally messy. That’s a whole other blog post.) Break out the towels. Seriously, if the messiness bothers you, stick to hand-holding, light kissing and charity walk-a-thons.
11. Embrace Your Dirtiness: Ummm…we are talking about sex, right? We didn’t show up at the Death Race thinking we’d stay clean and pristine. Depending on your inclination things can get really dirty. Take a chance…do it up in some thick mud. That would be excellent.
12. Give: Don’t be a prick. Everyone loves a giver.
13. Savor the Moment: You worked hard, you had fun…now enjoy – you earned it.
And when you are done exit with grace. Shake the person’s hand, give them a hug, shower them with kisses – whatever the occasion calls for. And thank them for a great time.
I’ll leave you with sex-advice columnist Dan Savage’s words of advice to always be GGG – good, giving, and game – “which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think good in bed, giving equal time and equal pleasure, and game for anything—within reason.”
Now, it’s your turn…what are your rules to live by? Fire away!